Smile
by Light Eclairs
Summary: I should've felt embarassed when he kissed me. But I didn't. I knew it was jut right. After all, I was not going to see him for a while.


**A/N: **Hi guys! I know, it's been a while. _ I got sidetracked. Sorry for the delays. Here's a little compromise. A one-shot!

**-Reasons-**

He didn't want to go but I persuaded him to. I don't know why he listened to me that time. Ever since we talked about it, he grew cold. He said it was because he hated to leave the house to me, who was clumsy and incapable beyond all reason. He also said that it would be inappropriate to let a girl live alone in a huge temple. It was me. It was all because of me that he didn't want to consider an education abroad. I don't recall being that much of a burden. He had a hard time thinking about it.

Being the stoic and anti-social person that he was, it should not bother him that much. He wouldn't care about my safety or any of his friends'. But he wasn't like that. All his aloofness and cold treatment towards others was part of his personality, yes, but it was different when it comes to the people he loves. He cares. He cares so much that sometimes, he would risk even his life's opportunities just to make sure everything goes well with his friends.

**-Conversations-**

That night, I didn't understand him at all. He was being irrational with everything about it.

"You know, it doesn't make a difference even if I did." He stated calmly. It was as though he was talking about sipping hot tea and soup.

I scratched my head and let my hand linger there. "But this is your future on the line, Kanata."

He looked up from the book he was reading and regarded me with amuse, a glimpse of a smirk present on his white face. If I was, at that time, looking really comedic with my hand in my hair and in my orange pajamas, I would not wonder.

"You suppose I would make a better Kanata if I accepted that scholarship?" He asked me. I knew he was making fun of me in this serious matter but I let my better judgment take over and stayed calm. I sighed and slowly relaxed my hand and went on to sit on the dining chair opposite him.

"Look at me."

"I am."

"Kanata."

"Miyu."

I gave up. I stood up, slammed my hand on the table and talked with my teeth clenched and my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know why you act like such a jerk-"

"Do you really want me to go?"

He caught me off guard with his question. My head was screaming '_No!'_ but I decided to go against it. It seemed like an hour has passed since he asked me the question but I knew it was just seconds ago. Finally, I stood straight and he did too, with one flawless closing of the leather-bound book he was holding earlier.

"You really want me to?" He asked again, his eyes looking fully on mine.

I mustered my entire prowess and answered. "Yes." The word rang all over the house.

"Why?"

Why was he bombarding me with questions that somehow managed to shake me up? Yeah, wait. Why do I want him to go anyway? It would mean being alone in this huge house, being left by someone I came to grow on, another person to leave me. Why do I want him to go?

"Because that would mean freedom for me. I would be able to rid myself of the most annoying person in my life. I would get to live my life without someone who does nothing but to irk me to the depths of hell. You get the idea."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted with all my heart and being to get them back. I stood motionless in front of him and suddenly, it seemed like all the details in the house became clear. Why hadn't I noticed the crack on the door pane? Was there a protruding fiber on that towel before? My heart seemed to accelerate and I almost felt blood in my ears and my cheeks flushing.

He chuckled. He actually laughed.

"Yeah right." He started to turn back.

No, wrong. I wanted him to go because I wanted him to be the best he can be. I knew somewhere that if he did accept the scholarship; it would not only mean that he gets a decent education but that he'll be a person I can be most proud of. I wanted him to experience a life suited for him. A great life for someone as great as him. I knew he can pull it off. I believed in him. That was all.

"Kanata." I started.

He stopped abruptly. "There's only a week left. Try to be more convincing than that." He went on to his room.

I was left in the kitchen, wondering if I can ever make a fool of myself better than that.

Two days after that, I tried, again with all the courage and bravery I can summon, to convince him again about it. I knew somehow that I had a small flicker of hope about what I was to do and so, I did. He was being a jerk again but I decided to tolerate another annoying conversation with him.

"Aren't we done talking about that, Miyu? You're starting to get on my nerves." His face put on a strained look like he was having trouble containing himself. He was also clenching his hands like he always did when he was angry.

I knew my please would fall on deaf ears again but I really had to try. Even his father asked me to do it. It was his future he's giving away just to keep an eye on me. He said that was his reason.

"As I've said a million times, Kanata, I can managed. I'm tougher than I look. You know me." I pleaded.

"Yeah, tougher than you look. Like the time you almost burned the house down." He said. He was looking everywhere but me.

"Why do you care so much?" It was my turn to ask him _these_ kinds of questions. I expected him to explode and go all out on how I deserved to be guarded and monitored by every single surveillance equipment, followed everywhere I went by paramedics and all the clumsy-girl stuff. He did not. Instead, he walked towards me and looked at me straight in the eye.

"Because, isn't it obvious?" He asked me, his face not giving away any emotions. It was definitely void of any clue that might've lead me to what was obvious.

He shook his head and smiled. I felt my heart beat stronger and my face heat up. I was used to seeing him smile, which was a thing he didn't do often in public. It was one of the most sought-after acts of Mr. Popular Kanata Saionji in school. Only this time, it was as though I was seeing the smile for the first time.

He patted my head and stooped a little so his face was a bit level with mine.

"Because you're an idiot." He leaned in and well, he kissed me.

My eyes shot up at the touch of his lips on mine. He quickly pulled away and any trace of a blush is evident, I guess he didn't even blush. He was grinning like an idiot. He was still a few inches from my face and I can clearly see the pattern of vertical lines on his eyes and my own shocked face reflected on his pupils. My mouth was parted and took in shallow breaths.

"Now I'm the idiot. Why did I do that?" He asked breathlessly but shock was absent from his face, more like he was mocking.

Without thinking, I said "Do it again." Which totally proved I was, after all, an idiot.

Before I can realize fully what I said, I felt heat all over my body; my stomach went crazy to the beat of my heart. His lips moved slowly, like he was checking if I would respond. And I did. Our mouths were in an automatic response with each other and our breathings were ragged and short as if air was scarce. His soft lips were the best thing that I felt. Pleasure ran down my body as he sucked on my lower lip. I curled my hands around his neck and felt his hands wrap around my waist hoisting me a little higher. I went on and tangled my hand against his hair and tried to further push him towards me.

I was savoring the intensity of this act when he backed me on the table, my back perpendicular to it. He slowly pulled away and gazed into my eyes. I knew my face was red with heat at that moment and I didn't know if that was what made him laugh but he did.

"You still want me to go?" He asked. I knew he expected me to answer differently but as dazed as I was, I gave him the answer that will benefit _us._

**-Farewell-**

Aya helped me get the last of the bags inside. I've never been in an airport before. I wasn't even there when my parents flew to America. Now here I was, admiring the glass windows and shiny white tiles. I see people coming and wondered if they also felt the hollow feeling in my chest right now. It was what I want in the first place so why was I feeling this way?

Then he got out of the van with Santa beside him. Those two were always together no matter where and no matter when. The guy even looked a little red and puffed up compared to the one beside him who was smiling his wits out. He patted his friend's shoulder and told him to act tough.

"C'mon man, I don't want to bring that depressed look of yours when I board that plane." He said to him.I can't help but feel a lump in my throat as I imagined him actually boarding the plane and won't be coming back for the next four years.

Finally, they reached us and we locked eyes. I didn't know what he saw in them but I can tell he was far from glad when he saw them. It was more of a look of sadness. No, he wasn't sad. He was…longing.

"Kanata." I started. He just wrapped his left hand around my shoulders and kept a straight gaze forward. I said nothing more.

We reached the east atrium of the airport and when it was time to go, he turned towards us. I felt a pang of hurt when I realized that this will be the last day I can look into those clear auburn eyes of his. I must have cried because he quickly wrapped his arms around me and I found myself sobbing silently. He kept me in his arms for a while before pulling away and held my face. I can feel the others standing firm behind me and struggling not to follow suit.

Santa couldn't keep his emotions anymore and rushed to lock us both in a bear hug in which Aya, Nanami, Nozomu and Christine joined in.

"Guys, I'm gonna be late." Kanata joked and I sensed he was mustering all he can to keep his voice from cracking. When Santa finally pulled away, Kanata gave each of them a personal hug. His smile was intact like he was showing us he's got it.

He turned to me last and kissed me. It was a quick one. I should've been utterly embarrassed by this considering it was in public but at that time, I didn't care. We hugged for the last time.

"It will be your fault if I find white girls pretty." He smirked and I almost wanted to break down at the thought that it will be a long time before I get to see that again. I didn't take his statement seriously because he neither did.

It was just that when he went through the turnstiles, I saw him not as the Kanata who insisted it was an accident when he opened the door while I bathe, but the Kanata who I fell in love with, jerk, irritating, annoying, full of himself, mocking and besides my dad, the best man I ever loved.

I convinced myself to stay strong for him and I did. So that when he comes back, he will be able to brag that we are not shallow subjects. That we are, though far away from each other, as tight as a sealed, airtight chamber.

**A/N: **For those who've gone until here, thanks for spending some time to read this. It means a lot. Really. Thank you. :)


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